Grateful

It's not Thanksgiving and nothing has happened but...

I was sitting on the couch watching TV with Trey a few minutes ago and I looked over at him asleep on the couch and Harley asleep on the floor and I thought to myself "I am so lucky."

I need to remember this whenever I get sad about what I don't have (ie-children).

I have a job (two actually). I am married to a man who loves me and who always knows how to get me out of a bad mood. I have a sweet little puppy who is always happy to see me when I get home.

We have a place to live, nice things, and a (small) disposable income.

Sometimes it's hard to see how great things are when you're focused on what you don't have.

It's something I'll have to work on.

Catching Up

Well, it's been awhile since anyone's written on this thing and it SEEMS to me that a lot has been going on.

Trey finished his first semester with all A's of course. He finished his first summer class a few weeks ago (another A) and starts his second summer class a week from Monday. In the meantime he's been building tables, doing stuff around the house and just being Trey. Here's the first table he built (came out really good!):

In the first part of June I traveled up to Baltimore for a week-long forensic anthropology course. The course was really interesting and fun and I am so so glad a co-worker went with me because we were pretty much the only non-MDs at the session. I had a great time, though and it was really nice to attend some lectures. I had forgotten how much I missed going to school. The course was a great refresher course for bone anatomy, osteology, and forensic anthropology and I've been keeping up with it, too, studying skeletons at the office and reading some of my textbooks. If we had the money I would definitely go back to school; not for a degree or anything, but just to go and learn. Here are a few pictures from the trip: 

At the end of June/beginning of July we went on our first road trip as husband-wife.  We left Richmond and traveled to Charlotte and stayed with my parents for one night. Then we drove across the rest of NC all the way to western Tennessee and spent two nights with my uncle and grandmother. THEN we traveled another 6 hours to get to the central part of Arkansas where I had to navigate narrow two-lane roads that winded through the Ozarks. Roundtrip we put about 2200 miles on my car. 

The trip to Arkansas was to spend time with my Dad's family. Trey hadn't met most of them as they weren't able to come to our wedding and enjoyed, I think, getting to know them. Apparently my dad has hilarious cousins. It was nice seeing everyone; the last time we had been there was in 2009 when we had gone to say good-bye to my uncle. It felt really weird being there without him this time. I really think he and Trey would've gotten along...or he would have scared the bejeezus out of Trey. :) 

The tradition, at the Buffalo River (in Yellville, AR population around 2000) is to spend a day canoeing down the river, from the bridge on Highway 14 to Rush, an abandoned mining town. Trey and I shared a canoe and my parents and brother were in another. Trey loved this and I didn't mind it so much either as I didn't have to paddle all that often! 

Another day we spent going to some old haunts: Blanchard Springs and some swimming places in the area. We also went to Mountain View, which I don't remember having gone here before. It was a cute little town with one of those Main Streets that seems like it's out of a movie. There was chocolate covered bacon and huge rocking chairs that you could sit in. 

On July 3rd Flippin (another small town, located about 6 miles from Yellville, population around 2000) has their fireworks. This is because they have them at the dam on the 4th and I guess Flippin doesn't want to detract from that? Anyway, it was FREEZING that night. It got down into the low 50s. Actually, the weather on the whole trip was pretty mild. Usually I sunburn and end up sweating the entire time on the river and I didn't get hot once. The river was really cold to swim in and I didn't stay in long. Plus, there's snakes and bugs and fish in it and that's gross (see-not an outdoorsy girl!). 

On the 4th we traveled back to Dyersburg and had a cookout with my mom's brother and his family and some of their friends. The next day we spent lounging around their pool and the NEXT day we spent a hellacious amount of time on the road trying to get home at a decent hour as I had to be at work at 6am the next morning. 

I wish I had some pictures of Rush. It is this really cool abandoned town. We never have the chance to walk around it as we're always on a bus at the end of canoe trip trying to get back to the cabins to take showers and whatnot. But if you're interested in the history of it here's a link.  

There's really a lot of Frame/Burch/Rae/etc (all family names on my dad's side) history in these small towns in Arkansas. Always at the end of our trip we go to the Flippin Cemetery. This has somehow turned into a tradition of my dad and I walking around the cemetery and me trying to figure out the relationships between all the different families. 

For Labor Day we're going to the NC mountains, but it's my goal to post something between now and then. It's been a busy last few months in the Newell household and now we're getting back into the grind of working and going to school!

Movie Review: This is 40

"This is 40" is from the director of "Knocked Up" and "The 40 year old virgin." It's about Pete and Debbie (Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann) who we met in Knocked Up in 2007. 

Pete and Debbie are approaching a huge milestone: their 40s. The movie follows their marriage's ups and downs, their two very energetic children, and their own parents. Pete's record label is failing and Debbie is struggling with body image issues and relationship troubles. 

After watching this movie Trey asked me why I had gotten it from Netflix. I explained that this was a "sequel" of sorts to Knocked Up, it was written/directed by the same guy and  had some of the same cast in it. We both loved Knocked Up and thought it was hilarious. 

We did not like This is 40. Neither of us found it funny and to be honest, I thought it was really depressing. As we were watching it I thought to myself "Gah, I hope we are not like this after 20 years of marriage." I also told myself that my children will NOT be like Sadie in this movie (I used her as an explanation to Trey of why I want boys, not girls. He understood). 

I really just felt like the movie was two hours of how-can-this-marriage-get-more-screwed-up and not-funny jokes. I did not enjoy the plot, most of the characters got on my nerves, and, like I said before, it was not funny and quite sad (not emotional sad, just pathetic). 

The only saving grace was Charlotte, the youngest daughter of Pete and Debbie. She was cute and her lines were short and quite comical as I could very well see an 8 year old saying the things she said. 

On a scale of 5 stars, I would give this movie 1 1/2 stars. 

Growing Up Girl

I just came back from the gym having achieved my fastest pace on a mile...EVER. And yet, I am still not proud of myself.

For most of my life I have had a weight problem. It has just been recently, looking back at photos from high school and college where I realized that I DIDN'T have a physical weight problem, but an emotional one.

You see, I never thought of myself as skinny, thin, or even of average-where-you're-supposed-to-be weight. I always thought I was overweight and fat. Oh, if only I knew.

If I had known that in reality I wasn't fat, that I wasn't overweight, I probably would have loved myself a whole lot more. I may not be where I am today. I may not be having to work so hard every.single.day. But if I ever get down to a weight and size that I'm comfortable with, I will love myself and love being me and I will NOT take it for granted.

People may think, "Well, your parents just didn't instill confidence in you or help raise your self-esteem."

Not true.

My parents always supported me, told me I could be and do whatever I wanted (even if it was out in left field) and always told me how pretty and beautiful I was. Even now they tell me that and so does my husband, but it is still very, very hard to believe.

And I can't exactly pinpoint what it was and or when it was where I started feeling this way. I'd like to be able to point to a specific magazine, television ad, or person who might've influenced my self image, but I can't.

For those of you who don't know, it is really hard to be a girl. I know, I know, we make it look easy. But what you don't see is the countless hours trying new hairstyles to see which one frames your face. Or changing outfits seven times because you just can't find something that makes you feel pretty. Or sneaking makeup behind your mother's back because you're "too young" but those red blotches aren't going away by themselves. And what you really don't see is all the internal conflict.

It's hard.

And even when all that awful puberty, middle school and even high school stuff is over it's still hard.

I think that most girls have gone through this at some point in their lives. I think it's hard not to when we are constantly seeing girls with 0% body fat (thankfully this is not as prevalent as it used to be) on the cover of magazines, in TV and movies, etc. We think that if we can't feel or see all of our bones poking through our skin that something is wrong, that we're overweight and that we need to starve ourselves in order to be loved.

For me, it is a constant struggle. A daily struggle. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. Each day when I wake up and I stand in front of the mirror to brush my teeth I have to tell myself "You are beautiful. You are getting there." because sometimes that feeling just isn't there.

It's a daily struggle to get to where I want to be and some days it feels far easier to just give up. But I've got willpower now and I have a support team. I've already given up on myself once and I made a promise to never do that again. So no matter what, I keep going, keep trucking and keep pushing myself. And eventually something will happen, something will change.

Eventually, I'll get to where I'm supposed to be.

Getting to know me better

Kelley over at Over the Threshold nominated me for a Liebster Award. No idea what this is, other than some sort of blogging something...?? 

Anyway, in her nominating post she asked 11 questions of all her nominees. Another part is to nominate other bloggers, but I don't really know any bloggers except for the book blogs I follow, so I'll just answer the questions. They're pretty good questions, too. Maybe you guys'll know me better after reading this post!

Here are the questions and my corresponding answers: 

1. What is your favorite season of the year and why?

I think it would have to be summer. By then, my allergies are (mostly) gone. It's not cold. I can spend a lot of time outside without freezing and without sneezing my brains out. Plus, I love going to the beach. My favorite place is sitting in a beach chair, feet in the surf, a beer in my hand and reading a good book. 

2. How many siblings do you have?  Brothers or sisters?  Are you the youngest, oldest, or in the middle?

I have one younger brother. 

3. Beach or mountains?

Beach, no doubt about it. 

4. What is your favorite dessert?

Chocolate merengue pie. My grandmother used to make this every Christmas when I was little. I only had it once a year during the holidays and it was delicious. Now that she's getting older other family members help out with desserts (but chocolate merengue pie is still my favorite)

5. What is the most unusual illness or injury you've ever had?  Were you in the hospital?

Can't say I've ever had an unusual illness or injury. I think probably the most "interesting" thing that's happened is that I had my tonsils out at age 12. 

6. What is your favorite kitchen appliance?

My in-laws got me a stand mixer as a wedding present. It is pink. And I love it. 

7. What is the last song you sang out loud?

Trey and I were driving back from Concord, NC this past weekend and we sang "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" in our most loudest, most ridiculous voices (Trey won, of course). 

8. If you had to eat at one fast food restaurant for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

Hmm. I don't really eat at fast food places anymore. Does Panera count as fast food? I mean, there's no drive thru or anything, but they're fairly quick. 

9. What do you most hope readers will take away from your blog?

The main reason I (we) started this blog was because we had just gotten married and I figured we'd be more interesting. Turns out, we're not. But it's still a good way for friends and family who live away from us to keep up with what we're doing. 

10. What is one brand to which you are loyal and why?

I can't really think of anything that I am particularly loyal to. I prefer Kraft cheeses, and will usually get that since they often have coupons and in general they're not much more expensive than store brand. But in general, not loyal at all. We stick mostly to store brands unless there's a big sale and there are coupons. 

11. What would you do if you had 6-8 months to do anything you wanted and only what you wanted?  (so you don't have to work)

Travel. I would spend 2-3 weeks in each destination (Rome, Naples, Greece, London, Egypt, Beijing, Brazil...) Of course, this would also require an unlimited amount of money as traveling is expensive.  If unlimited money is not part of the deal then I would probably spend a lot of time reading, maybe take a class at VCU, go to various wineries and spend time with my husband and family. 

And I had to post this picture:

Running

On April 20th, 2013 I will attempt to finish my first 5K.

I am very nervous. I want to do well and run the whole thing. I'm doing well with pacing myself and knowing my limits, but I also know that if I can't finish this I will be very disappointed in myself.

Yesterday I ran 2.25 miles. I sprinted the last 1/4 mile, completely draining myself of energy. I was able to walk another 1/4 mile before I could feel muscles tightening up and knew that I needed to stretch. But I did it. And I ran farther and for longer than I ever have before (including when I was back in my ultra fit/in shape days).

I admit, I am still not a huge fan of running. It doesn't take a lot of coercing or forcing myself to start, but if I'm not in the right frame of mind at the time I place my feet on that treadmill belt, I find I can't run more than a mile.

If I DO finish a run that's more than a mile I feel fantastic. I'm sure I look like a goofball, walking out of the gym with an enormous grin plastered on my face, but I'm proud of myself and I've worked hard to get to this level. I'm still not where I want to be, but I'm not going to stop trying and I'm not going to give up on myself.

I have a friend who worked at the gym I go to and was pretty much my sole motivation for the first 6 months I was trying to change my life. She used to teach weight-lifting classes and if we had two more minutes of something she would said "Two minutes! You can do two minutes of anything!" I switch the numbers up to match the time I'm trying to achieve, but when I need to push myself five, ten, or another 1/4 mile I hear her voice in my head saying "You can do anything for ten minutes!!"

And I find that I can.

Tolerance. Inclusion. Acceptance. Understanding. Love

My brother has Down syndrome. This should not be new news to any of you, but just in case it was, now you know.

He is an extremely important person in my life; there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. From the time he was born I was involved in a world that a lot of people don't get to see or experience. It's not easy; the road is very rocky, sometimes impossible to travel, many times so dark you think you'll never get to see light again. But sometimes, oh sometimes, it is the best place in the world and you think to yourself "No one else will never know what this feels like. What this means." It's not an easy road, but no one ever said life was easy, right?

I worked with various agencies who provide services for children and adults with special needs. Throughout this work I have met some truly incredible people. But most of all, through getting to know these parents, I feel like I have gotten to know own mother a little bit better.

When I was younger and my brother was just starting school, my mother would spend hours on the phone, usually with school officials, teachers, social workers, etc, and most of the time she would be livid. You see, 15 years ago schools were not the accepting places for children with special needs that they are now (yes, you read that right, but we'll get to the present in a moment).  There was a school in Charlotte that was just for kids with special needs. No "typical" kids, no "typical" activities. And the school board wanted my brother there. My mother did not. She understood he needed to be included and not secluded. She understood that in order for him to grow, to change, to learn from his peers, he needed inclusion. It was a constant battle to get him placed into schools and while I'm not really sure of all the specifics, I know that she had to fight for his right to an education up until he entered high school. And even getting him into the high school that I had attended took threats of lawsuits and lawyers.

It's not a cakewalk today, by any means. Parents still have to fight for their children; they have to fight to get their kids into schools, they have to fight to get their kids the extra help they may need to succeed. And to top it all off they have to deal with ignorant dumbasses  parents and teachers who truly believe that their children don't deserve to be treated like other students or even, like humans.

The reason I bring all of this up is because horrible things still happen in schools. When a parent sends their child to school they expect that child to be safe, to be treated properly, and to be given an education. What they do NOT expect is their child to be ignored, physically punished, or emotionally abused (I am not getting into gun violence today).

I have a temper. In my opinion it's not as bad as it used to be, but there are still things that make me see red. Take this article:

http://todaynews.today.com/_news/2013/02/06/16873189-school-staff-duct-taped-girl-with-down-syndrome-to-her-shoes

First of all: it's SHOES. Get some perspective. It's not like there's book burning going on. And I don't blame her; I take my shoes off every chance I get, too.

Second of all: Those parents are unbelievable; I can't believe how calm and collected they were. I would have probably done something incredibly unreasonable and irrational.

You would think special ed teachers would be the most patient, kind, understanding, accepting people out of the whole teacher population. But looking back at my brother's teachers, they really aren't (except for his high school teachers-they were absolutely amazing. I am so grateful for them, that he had these wonderful women in his life). And I don't understand that.

Tolerance. Inclusion. Acceptance. Understanding. Love.  As a sister, that is what I want out of people for my brother. I can't imagine that parents (of any child) would want something different for their child.

I think that about covers it (for now). I'll probably have to get back up on my soapbox at some point, but for now I'm stepping down.