Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Grind My Teeth

Everybody has their pet peeves, but sometimes it's hard to understand why they're so irritating to us. And sometimes these mysterious pet peeves are so severe that they make us grind our teeth, stamp our feet, and punch walls while onlookers make a wide berth.
One day my loverly wife and I were riding in the car. Naturally I was singing all the hits of George Gershwin and Lara cranked the radio up to drown me out. That is, until a radio commercial for Schwarzchild Jeweler's came on. "...Dining al fresco!....Strappy SANDALS!" the lady intoned. "GAAAAH! I HATE this commercial!" Lara hollered. She then reached over and flicked the radio off and we drove on in silence until  I remembered the words to "It T'ain't Necessarily So."
On the ride back I switched over to Cole Porter and was singing "You're the Top" in my best Louis Armstrong voice and another Schwarzchild Jeweler's commercial came on, but this time a man was extolling the virtues of eating by "the rolling waves of the mighty James river!" Lara's reaction was the exact same, so I crooned "From this Moment On" to get her mind off the commercial. When we got home I just had to ask her why she hated those commercials.
"They're so STUPID and irritating! They come on all the time!"
Naturally, my response was to help her and the way I best determined was to desensitize her to these commercials. When I would pass by her, I would intone in a chipper, falsetto voice "STRAPPY SANDALS!" and in a baritone "the JAMES RIVER!"
She was not amused and sleeping arrangements were made for me on the couch. I decided to abandon the desensitizing therapy and just let the commercials run their course.
A few weeks went by and one commercial kept coming on over the radio that stuck in my craw.
"It means more, when it comes from Cowardin's," the singer crooned. And then a voice came on describing the story of how the jeweler's was founded, "The year was 1865 and Richmond was still burning..."
 It was jarring. Irritating. And most of all, I felt like driving my car into the mighty James river whenever it came on.
So far neither of us has found that panacea to cure us of these irrational pet peeves. Until then, we'll just have to continue singing, grinding our teeth, and gripping the steering wheel whenever we hear "STRAPPY SANDALS!" and "CO-WARDIN'S!"

No comments:

Post a Comment

Hi! Leave us a comment! We love reading them!